A Release....

Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Almost There. Where?

I have to admit to frustration.

I am here on the eve of an ensuing week of finals. In fact, It's Saturday night. I'll be studying with a friend tonight. (With beer in hand, mind you!)
I have worked so hard this fall. I don't think I knew before that I was capable of this, of what I have accomplished, all at once, within the past few months. I didn't know.
Ok, ok. I am proud of myself. I remained calm and collected, not too stressed but in moments. There were times when I would have liked to keep up on things more precisely, would have liked to feel 'on top' of things, but you know, just to get a little...well...that's not what life is about. Life is not about being/feeling 'on top' of things. It's about being with them.
Does that make sense?
It's not about being in control. It's about dancing. Catch and release. Allowing intention to mix with randomness and to feel blanketed by the good in it all.

But why am I frustrated? with such wisdom a-bounty why would one be so shortsighted?

You know what, it's that I haven't cooked a really good, healthy meal in ages. I'm not kidding. I eat, don't get me wrong. I find fast and easy frozen things or things in boxes...see? I don't even call it food. I eat things. AAAARrrh.

This is why I spent my twenties (ok. part of the reason why--we can talk philosophy and the phenomenon of the late bloomer some other day, hopefully in person) floating in quasi-unemployment, poor as all get out, part-time whatever whatever (I can't count the jobs I've held in Portland on both hands), part time enraptured in, in love with.....time!!! I used to cook so much, I used to bake all day, I would share all the lovely food with my roommates at the time and with people we would have over for dinner. I loved the food I ate. It nourished me.

And tonight I made some TJ's rice and threw in some corn, and both were out of a plastic bag that I pulled out of my freezer. And I sat here and ate it while I began to type this post and it was fine. I've got things to do.

I want to cook a sustainable, local, nourishing, delicious meal. Not only because the food is good for you, but because so is the cooking.

That's why I am frustrated. I have not the time at the moment. But soon. Almost.....there.

Hello Halloween Happiness

Tomorrow is November and it is hard to believe. All goes well, having gone through a 'crunchy' spot this week, cleared up by the coming to be beloved qigong I've got going on, and the shift of the moon to new.
I made it out to see some yellow leaves on the trees today, visiting the electricity of a lovely Wahkeena Falls on our gorgeous gorge this later afternoon. The light was dimming a bit so next time I'll go further. It was just nice to breathe the air. I would like to post some images... I need a digital camera to document life happenings after my summer of going technologically backwards....it was like a party(or not) in 1999 one day when I found myself waiting for a new phone to arrive in the post, stuck in my house so I could sign for it, no internet, no nothing, well yes the NYT perhaps if my roommate had left it, awaiting this little piece of plastic and metal so that I could hop in my car to drive to Seattle and really be a part of 2008, but boy it was kinda weird! In any case my digital camera disappeared before my phone ever died and it has yet to be replaced.

To placate this need for visual stimulation of life...(mine or otherwise) I've got some images of Io, a moon of Jupiter, from the Cassini site. Check this site out! yes.

http://saturn.jpl.nasa.gov/home/index.cfm

go to the images. choose your favorite. click and drag. Wha-lah! new image for your desktop maybe?? I peer at Jupiter's South pole when I close this browser.
well anyways. off track, but this is the blog of the evening. a stream.

please visit again soon. someday you might be surprised to see some visions that I capture with my own eyes and can transfer electronically. In the meantime, I will continue to cultivate my chi and see if it can get organized enough..... zap, from mind to machine--the bounteous images beheld by my eyes.

Welcoming back

Well, just as I've not posted to this in a bit too long, I've also not kept up well with my Qigong. And that rhymed.
I will I will. I will do my qigong. Tired I am, but it will help me to keep up on other things, including a communication to this space called cyber and to who knows whomelse (is that a word?)? I am not sure who checks on my page. If you do, thank you. Please return.
I will.

So, tonight I found some bubble wrap, the kind with the big bubbles, in my basement. I found it because I stepped on it. And you know what? It felt so goooood. So here's a tip if you as well are not keeping up on your qigong either: take that bubble wrap, lay it out on your kitchen floor, and step on it. Step and step and step and step. Do a little dance. It's nice. You'll love it as much as I did.

Peace.

well then...

hmmmmmm. to post more later.

thanks for listening.

A New Day

I was oh-so inspired this morning by my Oriental Medicine Research class's instructor, Bob Quinn, with his revelations on the life of Richard Buckminster Fuller. A quote to inspire the masses, as I was warmed and uplifted to hear: at the site of BF's almost-suicide, he took a moment to contemplate and shifted gears deciding to embark on "an experiment, to find what a single individual [could] contribute to changing the world and benefiting all humanity".

Not that I've been quite to that precipice, but seriously. What a beautiful gift to the world so many have made by choosing a path dedicated to the idea lying behind that quote.

I am so thankful to those I am and am not aware of pledging to that path.

Yes!

At the Kennedy School hottubs tonight I ran into some lovely folks I know. One, who had been at the party on Saturday exclamed, "Hey! I heard the other night that you know something about Fingers!!" yes. a little. a very little. I will share here another time, but I must say that it was fun to be given the test of knowledge....which by the way resides in the right thumb, supported by the left which is stability.

Qigong

Hello! My year has begun, and I've started school. One of my assignments is to keep a journal of my developing Qigong practice. I am posting some of the parts I feel like sharing and adding some details I'd like to add.
Breathe, take care of yourself, and enjoy.

9/22

Our class began Thursday afternoon.
We did intros in which we shared something of ourselves that we think people would not know about us at first (or second) glance. I quickly threw out three (ha ha). That I was a gymnast as a youngster, I forgot the second now, and that I like Kung Fu movies, which caused an uproar (elated exclamations)...and later we started formulating ideas for study-horror/KungFu movie watching sessions.
It's going to be a good year.
We then went through some of the beginning movements, which cleansed a surface layer of my being....can't wait for some more. As I hear through the grapevine, it will go deep. I will change. I will watch my fellow classmates transform as well. I felt elated after the class and through the evening, in love with school already.

This morning I awoke at 8:15 to begin a practice, not quite meeting the goal of arising before 8 a.m. I hope to awake at 7 in the future to do this, someday in the 6 a.m. hour. This week practicing self-massage by Master Liu He: breathe.....
rest right hand over left, thumbs touching.
Rub hands together. massage face. shake hands(removes old Chi). rub together. massage scalp. shake hands. rub together. cup eyes. shake....
this goes into a series of other small movements that include tapping some acupoints (lung 1, kidney 1)...
end with quiet meditation. So far I can keep it up for a short while. A friend suggested meditating by staring into the flame of a candle. which helps.

The other day I did some of this practice after work, and studied a bit about the meaning of each finger, which I shared with friends at gatherings later in the evening. Friends were interested and conversation ensued, in and out of my presence. I love igniting conversation.
This self-massage technique feels great-very self-caring and loving, giving of self-attention, something I am needing right now as well as in general, having a tendency to be so heady: like Oh yeah! There is a body here that has thoughts and feelings too.
I look forward to the awakened communication that I (my mind?) and my body will cultivate in the coming year and beyond.

Sentimental Perhaps

Evolve

Like pieces of a puzzle
Put together over a lifetime
Or ages
Finding one part to fit together
Neatly
At times jumbled, disjointed
Then moving on to the next
Or going pack to an unfinished spot
Ten years ago.
Evolving slowly
At a unique pace
In a singular method
Like the child who stops always
To smell the flowers
But who understands the roots
Of intricate beauty
And need not draw and label them
In a school book.
For they are who they are
Those children
Piecing together their adult lives
As if they should have known.

so new

So I suppose rather than the delirious rant of yesteryear, I will post up some poetry soon.
Soon. Not now.